arrrrrrgh!

I can’t BELIEVE I totally FORGOT International Talk Like a Pirate Day yesterday – first time I’ve missed it (thank you Brendan Copestake for reminding me).

The BEST thing I could find for pirate jokes this year, is P I R A T E   R I D D L E S  F O R   S O P H I S T I C A T E S.

Here it is, in full:

P I R A T E   R I D D L E S
F O R   S O P H I S T I C A T E S .

BY KEVIN SHAY

– – – –

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite aspect of computational linguistics?
A: PARRRsing sentences.

Q: Of which concept shared by Jungian psychology and Northrop Frye’s literary theory are pirates especially fond?
A: ARRRchetype.

Q: Who’s a pirate’s favorite member of the creative team behind "32 Short Films About Glenn Gould"?
A: Don McKellARRR.

Q: Of all of Richard Harris’s many achievements in the performing arts, which is a pirate’s favorite?
A: "MacARRRthur PARRRk."

Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite alliance-creating diplomatic agreement from the Second World War?
A: The TripARRRtite Pact.

Q: Which ancient Greek lyric poet do pirates like the best?
A: PindARRR.

Q: If a pirate were to recite one of the Olympian odes by the aforementioned poet, which one would it be?
A: The XIth Nemean Ode, "To ARRRistagoras, the Prytanis of Tenedos, son of ARRRchesilaus."

Q: If that same pirate were then to recite a 20th-century poem about the nature of poetry, what would it be?
A: "ARRRs Poetica" by ARRRchibald MacLeish.

Q: What if he went on to recite a poem by Sir Walter Scott?
A: "LochinvARRR."

Q: Why does that pirate keep reciting poetry, anyway? Is he some sort of Nancy-boy?
A: Aye, ’tis a Nancy-boy he be. Arrr.

Q: Of the ghosts that appear to Ebenezer Scrooge in "A Christmas Carol," which do pirates prefer?
A: Jacob MARRRley.

Q: Can we replace that last one with something about Bob Marley, so we can have an additional gag about RastafARRRianism?
A: No.

Q: Whom did the pirate vote for in the Haitian election?
A: ARRRistide.

Q: Wait. Why did they let a pirate vote in the Haitian election?
A: Remember, the nation was taking its first halting steps toward democracy, and balloting procedures were rather chaotic. The pirate just slipped in somehow. Arrr.

Q: I don’t buy it. Pirates care nothing for participating in the electoral process.
A: Look, can we finish this up soon? I’m having those phantom pains in my wooden leg.

Q: A phenomenon first described in the 17th century by which important contributor to the field of amputation surgery?
A: Oh, this is getting ridiculous.

Q: Just say it.
A: Ambroise PARRRé.

Q: You can go now.
A: Arrr. Nancy-boy.

Of course, one more for good measure and as an apology for lateness (via  http://www.evilkid.com/licensing/pyratequeen/jokes.html):

A pyrate and his parrot, were adrift in a lifeboat following a dramatic escape from a valiant battle.  While rummaging through the boat’s provisions, the pyrate stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a Genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a Genie came forth.  This particular Genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.  Without giving any thought to the matter the pyrate blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into rum!"   The Genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest rum ever sampled by mortals.  Simultaneously, the Genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of rum on the hull broke the stillness as the two considered their circumstances. The parrot looked disgustedly at the pyrate and after a tension-filled moment spoke: "Now yee’ve done it!!  Now we’re goon to have to pee in the boat!"

Arrrrrgh.